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Your candid reflection on your struggle with productivity and creativity while taking Adderall is both relatable and insightful. It's commendable how you've made the decision to experiment with not taking the medication to see how it affects your writing process. Wishing you all the best in your journey to rediscover your creative flow without relying on medication.

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I have such a love-hate relationship with meds too! I absolutely CAN'T take pharmaceuticals any more. Not any of them. Since this also means no decongestants, antihistamines, anti-inflammatories, antibiotics, and so on, I am up that you-know-what creek, but fortunately, not without hope as God keeps providing a paddle.

I tried taking gingko for focus, and--it really helped--until the morning I woke up and forgot to take it on time--AND--then the lack of focus was TEN TIMES WORSE. YIKES. I just really can't do that to myself, so no more gingko for me! (but I'm "special," and just because I'm so hyper-sensitized like that doesn't mean that you will be)

My fight with the health beast has led me to work with a functional medicine doctor who is tackling the root causes of my medical dysfunction instead of treating the symptoms (like lack of focus). Or, at least, that's what he's trying to do (and trying to get me to do as well).

Inflammation is a huge contributor to my lack of focus. If all of your soft tissues are swelling, well... what does that do to your brain? (Me: I find a giant mental hamster wheel and GO GO GO!)

My thyroid is also contributing. But we've determined as of just a week ago that

1. I do not have Hashimotos, or

2. any autoimmune markers at all.

3. This is PROGRESS from 2005, when I tested low-positive with auto-immune markers for a very nasty illness.

YAY!!! So... treating the inflammation... WHICH, btw, is also an uphill challenge because NO pharmaceuticals. Also, I have to limit turmeric or my brain goes "squishy" and BAD THINGS HAPPEN. Doc likes turmeric... Fortunately, the natural world has other workable anti-inflammatory herbs, like sarsaparilla root (makes root beer taste so good). Now; if only I could get that tea to taste like root beer without the sugar or a toxic-to-me sugar substitute... It isn't horrible, just a bit earthy.

Oh! And I have severely low vitamin D (majorly contributing to all that inflammation)--but I can't take vitamin D internally. It sets off a migraine to end all migraines and all functioning stops. I went looking for alternatives. I found lanolin (via a vegan snob post about how "most vitamin D comes from lanolin! *cue the shrieking* Oh, the sheep abuse! Oh, the horror of it all..."). I can use lanolin even though I don't really like the sticky texture, so... I'm using the lanolin, and really, I would like to find that post back again and FERVENTLY THANK the vegan who let me know! Also, if you know any sheep, please do give them a hug from me and thank them, but maybe not while wearing good clothes...

Anyhoo--all that to say, that there are ways around using nastiness like Adderall--if you look for them. And, who knows? Maybe the gingko will work better for you than it did for me? I can only hope. ((((HUGS)))) and praying for you, that you find better solutions shortly.

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Part of my issue is my thyroid seems to be resetting. This is good news implying my autoimmune thyroid issues (And they were that) were from altitude. OTOH I'm titrating down which changes my glass prescription and plays havoc with my already flakey concentration.

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I totally get that. (((HUGS))) Praying that God provides answers and help that work for you.

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Good luck and good writing!

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